Monday, June 13, 2011

Get Away From Me, Mouth Breather

At this point, I've come to terms with the fact that I am a special case in some areas, such as tolerance with others. Unless I'm at work, your complete inadequacy in the brain department will not go unnoticed. Even at work it doesn't go unnoticed, but for the sake of job security, I can't really speak my mind... The day that I quit though... I might be telling some people to go fuck themselves. Not customers, they are just stupid because society is declining and doesn't demand people to educate themselves anymore.. I once quit a job by telling my boss to fuck off. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I got re-hired a year later. Cause I'm the shit.. And I run a drive-thru like a champ. 

Welcome to the BK Lounge... No, anyways the topic for my insaneness today is...


I was waiting in line at Blimpie to get my sub on.. when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that I had a shadow... standing RIGHT there, you know what I mean, RIGHT GODDAMN THERE. And it wasn't like the line was trickling out the door into the devil outdoors. There was ONE whole other person behind him, who was giving him the courtesy of his space. I hate people in my bubble.. Do not enter unless permission has been granted... or I will choke a bitch out. In fact, I have chocked a bitch out for doing that crap. If he had gotten a boner, it would have been up my ass, that's how close this dude was. Just to illicit a vivid picture and all. There is no reason to stand that close to someone. 

I even sidled sideways like a gazelle to try and escape the close proximity of this individual... And YET he inched closer.... Like a creeper. I didn't even smell delicious today, which if I had had my normal cloud of nose orgasm on, I might have understood. But I didn't, I smelled like a human today. He wanted some nomz and he wanted them right then and there damnit. Food deprivation is perhaps the only excuse, but even then, I have a hard time refraining from the urge to throat punch you and watch in satisfaction as you grovel at my feet wondering WTF, mate? Remember when Brian owed Stewie 50 bucks and Stewie proceeded to beat the shit out of him at random intervals? That's me... doing that to you... in my brain when you stand too goddamn close. 

I don't even feel bad for the violence implicated above. Don't stand so close.. And you will not be brutalized in ungodly ways inside my head cavity. These people I throw into the category of 'oblivious' since I love giving people their own select group of stupid. But no, I even looked him in his eyes just to be acknowledge... He was not there, he was in the world of fairies and wizards or something because the human race existing around him was not evident anywhere on his blank face. I'm oblivious too sometimes, but to things like drugs and drama. Human discomfort is something I am painfully aware of and if someone is uncomfortable, I sense that shit like a drug dog. It's really a wretched thing because then I get bothered by others... far too often. And then I get insane in the membrane and this happens in my head:

I wonder if I muttered to myself about lighting shit on fire when people get too close if they'd think I was unhinged and would back away. Or mutter about the aliens coming to take me away, because that is a legitimate belief that I have referenced on many an occasion. Or talk about eating cat food with a serious look on my face. Either way, I need 'you're-standing-too-goddamn-close' repellant.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Foul Mood Wednesday

Listen here, humanity, you're pissing me off. You, and your fucking shenanigans with stupid people parading around in my goddamn life like they FUCKING matter. Yesterday... some people almost died... At this point, I don't even want to inflict physical harm, but if people just started to spontaneously combust for being stupid, I don't think I'd mind... Not to mention the fact that one of the people who pissed me off did the WRONG thing... DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TELL A PREGNANT WOMAN THAT HER PREGNANCY PREVENTED YOU FROM 'GETTING WITH' HER RELATIONSHIP WISE. That's right, I'm fucking Tarantino-ing this shit for your reading pleasure. And also to induce some sort of twisted curiosity.

Since the story has yet to be told of why I'm not with the baby's father, it's simple, I don't want the first memories my child has to be of mommy hating daddy. I don't much care for the person I procreated with and I had the unfortunate mishap of finding out I was pregnant a month after we parted ways. However this pregnancy has helped me in a lot of ways and I don't regret in making my decision to keep it. (There's that it shit I fucking despise, THANKS, assholes from #4 on my last post.) I do not however, feel like being one of those dumbass girls who stays with the father because it is 'ideal'. Have I informed him that he has a kid on the way? Yes, what has he done with this information? Nothing. Which I also informed him that if he planned on being in and out, then he could stay the fuck out because I will not watch my kid get heartbroken over wondering when daddy is coming to visit and if he ever will again. I endured that as a child with my own sperm donor of a father, and I will not let the cruel cycle repeat itself. First time I ever met my father, was when I was 16 and he was clearly uncomfortable being around me. PLUS, I can stand two feet away from that shit at Walmart (yea he is real overachiever there) where he works and not even have my existence acknowledged. Does this mean my kid is going to go without a father figure their whole life? Not at all, I plan on getting married at some point to a non-retarded human. Someone who will love my kid like their own. These people... exist somewhere, probably in the mysterious mountains of Avalon or something. But anyways, the father has chosen not to be an active participant, and I'm strong enough of a woman and confidently secure enough in myself to be perfectly fine. Now that we've gotten that out of the way.

NOW, for the reason why I was so angry yesterday that black spots plagued my vision. Guy from work that I was interested in for awhile is the culprit of all this anger. Yea the one that fixed my computer. Later found out the blow job thing was a joke, but I was NOT laughing seeings as he threw it out there as a form of fucking payment and never made it clear if he was really serious or not. Now, I need to also point out that whenever I display interest in someone other than him, he likes to make snide little jealous comments. Let's get it out there right now that I am interested in someone else, not some random date dumbass either, but someone I recently reconnected with from my army days. But in earnest of not jinxing that shit, I'm keeping tight lipped about it until further notice. Anyways, so the conversation yesterday pretty much centered around me making it clear on how serious I was that I was no longer interested. While I was at it, I decided to take it upon myself to also inform him that 3 minute sexual encounters are ALSO less than desirable. Since he has been the only person I've fornicated with since being impregnated, I have a certain amount of frustration, which has of course been made worse for his lack of skill. He actually took that shit pretty well, even acknowledged that his performance had been.. displeasing. But what I did not appreciate, not one single goddamn bit, was being informed that the ENTIRE REASON HE NEVER GOT WITH ME WAS BECAUSE MY PREGNANCY FREAKED HIM OUT BECAUSE I WAS PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER MAN'S BABY. Yea, and his TWO kids with TWO different mothers never became an issue for me nor was it a pathetic excuse I cowered behind. Did I freak out? Not gonna lie, I shit a brick and chucked it right at his unassuming face. So basically, on our first date thing, when I told you I was pregnant and you said you were completely ok with it. You fucking lied and then proceeded to waste my fucking time in making me think there was a even a chance for something there or something more to be there. This doesn't anger me a little, this lights a fire under my ass that could probably consume the whole western half of America. Don't waste my fucking time and DO NOT presume to tell me that my baby is the factor that freaked you out and prevent you from getting with me. What a way to win a girl's heart FUCKFACE. I lost my shit yesterday, I really did. I'm already about as protective as a dragon with my friends and my mom. DO NOT talk out your ass about my kid. That is probably the quickest way to death. What that says to me, is if you were still in my life when I have the baby, that you will have an aversion to... it (goddamnit!), because it's someone else's. Fuck you. FUCK YOU SO ROYALLY UP THE ASS WITH THE LEG OF AN ELEPHANT!!!! He has not one, not even two, but THREE new assholes to shit from now.

The second thing that set me over the edge yesterday. I got a text from my best friend's ex-boyfriend who wanted to get rid of some weed. Why did this piss me off? After all I've exploited my friendliness with cannabis this whole time. YET, I've quit for the sake of... MY BABY?! What is this shit, responsibility? Then he followed up with the fact that my best friend told him to ask. That is also a problem. She found out just last fucking week that she has to turn in all of her clothes in order to satisfy her debt to the bankruptcy office because of all the credit card debt he racked up in her name, was tried, and found guilty and she still has the debt owed to the credit card company! This fucker even served jail time and is now a felon, so what he is doing with weed in the first place is beyond me, I didn't really give a shit so I didn't inquire too deeply about it. She also found out that he fell out of love with her before they even broke up, a fact that almost shattered her. And a week later they are in cahoots again.

So, basically, I'm universally disgusted with everything that moves today. I could totally one up that guy and light a police car on FIRE with my mind.