The Silence Has Been BROKEN!!!!!

WILLLLLLHHHHEEEEELLLLLLLLMMMMM!!!!

That there gents, is the face of Private Wilhelm of The Charge at Feather River. But I'm getting ahead of myself. First to explain why that agonized face up yonder is now legendary. 

As a kid I always felt like I was almost too perceptive. I was raised around adults, typically prone to all of their conversations for lack of other children to play with. So I never wondered why I was this way. Until I chanced upon a scream that tortured my innocent child brain for the entirety of my childhood. 

During any given action scene in a movie, there is always a LOT going on. I started to notice that when a particular stuntman died, he would let out a distinct yelp. It wasn't until Star Wars: Return of the Jedi happened that I finally started reasoning with myself "OK, now it was alright before but I KNOW these stuntmen are not screaming the exact same way..." I was around 7 when I decided that for myself.

Either by coincidence or my soul was so tortured by the identity of the scream, I became obsessed with knowing everything there was to know about "secrets" in the entertainment industry. The Nintendo 64 helped fuel this obsession with their Mario Easter eggs hidden in both Zelda games for that platform. 

Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Zelda: Majora's Mask

If you're wondering what an Easter egg is - it's something hidden by developers in the software that has no special significance on game play. They are solely in the game for the gamer to find, usually for people that are what gamers like to call "hardcore". However, games aren't exactly what they used to be and Easter eggs are increasingly easier to find. Even getting to the point of being laid out in the open for a simple gag.  

In the early days of Atari, they didn't like crediting game designers due to a fear of having to bargain with well-known designers. A spurned employee named Warren Robinette decided to leave behind "Created by Warren Robinette" in the video game Adventure. 

A lesser known Easter egg is the one embedded within every Mac operating system. When Apple first launched their project it was named "A New Hope", a new hope in that it would be successful against Microsoft. Because of this, you can watch Star Wars: A New Hope in the terminal window of a Mac. Don't get too excited though, it's in text format.

Still awesome in it's own respect.

Speaking of Apple... Pixar is the biggest offender for Easter eggs. The Pizza Planet truck from Toy Story? Makes an appearance in every Pixar movie. EVER.

Brave

Cars

Cars 2

Monsters Inc.

Wall-e

Up

EVERY. Pixar. MOVIE. ever. You can go see the rest for yourself.

Now back to the sCREAM. How did I finally learn the identity of what I deem the greatest Easter egg of all!? (Though the scream offically isn't labeled an Easter egg. BY RIGHTS IT SHOULD BE!)

Flash forward about another 17 years when I was on a date and the movie we went to just so happened to have the infamous scream in it. As soon as my date heard it, he nonchalantly chuckles and states "Ah, the Wilhelm Scream." 

"IT HAS A NAME?!" I shout, mindless to the fact that we are in a crowded theater. 

Oh yes, it has a name, a name it has.....

The WILHELM SCREAM!!!!

It's always nice to learn that after 23 years of living that you aren't half insane; and also to no longer be haunted by the death wail of a stuntman.

The scream was originally recorded back in 1951 for a film called Distant Drums. However it wasn't until 2 years later when it was used in The Charge at Feather River that it would later go on to gain notoriety. The sound clip for the scream was later drudged up from the Hollywood vaults by a man named Ben Burtt. Burtt ended up naming the scream after the character Private Wilhelm in The Charge at Feather River even though that was not the first film to use the scream. Burtt ended up incorporating the scream into all major projects he was involved in at the time. This just so happens to have been anything with the name Lucas or Spielberg in it. This explains why every single Star Wars and Indiana Jones to date all feature the scream.

Burtt initially tried locating the original voice actor who recorded the scream. His research has led him to believe that Sheb Wooley, the man behind the titular The Purple People Eater song was the original screamer. 

Sheb Wooley. Epic Screamer.

And now.... to damage your mind. Once you hear it, you can't unhear it... YOU WILL HEAR IT FOEVA!

A Le Video!!

I haz a le video! For the first time ever, for a special video performance that only happens once every so often... I bring you: me.

And I happen to be pmsing.... so excuse natures beauty mark on my face. It haunts me at night so thank you.

As for the reasoning behind this venture... NO FUCKING REASON OK? I need no reason to be amazing! Although I was not in angry mode when this was recorded. Now that I have all these fancy cartoon faces and dandelion seeds that stick to your face, I foresee a SHIT ton more "vlogs" coming soon.

People Are Fucking Stupid

I know, I just shocked half of you to death with this AMAZING fact. Forgive the absence of awesome sauce photos and enlarged print, I'm on my phone because I really just can't hold this bitch fest inside... I might die if I try. Also, if you see an instead of and, I'm not really that ghetto, my phone just thinks its cute to forget the "d" if I'm typing ferociously, which is likely to happen.

Now - once upon time I wrote a very angry post about California Boy... I elaborated on him enough to convey that he broke my fuckin' heart. What I did not elaborate on is that I believe with every fiver of my being that he is my soul mate and I am his. I've true for YEARS to run from it, to try to move on with other people. I almost succeeded, but dude not only dropped me on my ass but came back into my life a year later and wanted me to quit smoking pot for him. First off, only one person could ever make that demand of me and even then he would meet contention. Secondly, I ended up quitting of my own free goddamn will. Which is HILARIOUS. Quit smoking pot for you, nig, ain't no one never said that ever and succeeded in that endeavour unless they followed that request up with a pimp slap.

ANYWAYS! This is not about him, this is about California Boy and the fucking Nicholas Sparks drama we've been dragging each other through for the last fucking millennia.

For the last yea and a half, we've been living a hellacious cycle of talking, fighting, no talking for one to two months. Then someone breaks down and makes "the call" and the cycle begins again. Now what's really fucking annoying about alllllll of this; he pretty much told me he wanted to get back together after he got back from deployment. That wassss 2 years ago and guess what - I am not fucking important. At all. He is with someone he can't fucking stand and has all but said "I don't wanna settle". When asked why he would rather be with people he doesn't like over, say, myself; his response is always "so I don't regret anything, so I know I tried everything". You wanna know why that's his fucking response? Because he regrets not trying with us. What is that sound? Mmmmmmmm that sounds suspiciously like the definition of fucking INSANITY - trying with other fuckin people because you regret not trying with the "one". What sounds like the fucking fix?! DOES IT TAKE A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST TO TELL YOU THE ANSWER?!

As to why we broke up in the first place.... I cheated on him. Yes I'm a horrible fucking dick bag and I deserve everything I'm getting. No- there are exceptions to every rule.

Setting: Nazi Germany
Age: 19
Scenario: I was sexually assaulted by my platoon sgt. To add insult to injury, it was not a closed investigation, so everyone and their goddamn mother knew what had happened and who the "victim" was. What did this result in? A total and complete blacklisting from civilisation. No one wanted to be the "liars" friend and all that nonsense. At the time, Cali Boy couldn't get over his own hurt, so he did what everyone else did, abandoned me when I needed people the most. The only person that offered me solace was a wolf in sheeps clothing and I took what little comfort he offered. That comfort ruined my fuckin life. Now in the years since that incident, neither myself nr Cali Boy have been able to annex ourselves from each other. BECAUSE WE STILL FUCKING LOVE EACH OTHER.

And now.... Now he may be facing another deployment...

It's taken me YEARS to forgive myself for hurting him and in turn also hurting myself. For a very long time I punished myself for Germany. It was crippling. I've been able to forgive myself and recently, so has he.

Just FYI, whether he still has a GF or not, I plan on proposing to him if he gets deployed. And that's how that shit is gonna go down.

*Sigh*Beard

I want you to take a moment... and just appreciate the shit out of what that says. Because it's so effin true, it borders disgusting. 

Also, here's this. I'm pretty sure that's two dragons fucking. Not 100% positive as the description does not specify, buuut... two dragons fucking is definitely what I saw. HOLY SHIT, I just spelled definitely by myself!! NO spell check AT ALL. If you understood what that meant... you'd rejoice with me. 

Moving on, to explain those random ass pictures above. I was in a mood and decided to type in "STUPID THINGS" into Google, and like the awesomeness that is the internet, those lovlies popped up and I HAD to share.

You might be wondering to yourself, 'where has this ass hat been?' 

Well, you see, I started College. And damned if it isn't fuckin' challenging. I've also recently quit smoking and thus have gained WEIGHT and must shed it!!!! I have an old friend to answer to in May, and I'm getting less and less inclined to let them win. I SHALL WIN IT ALL!!! MUHUHAHAHA..

Eherm, 

Angry rants... are roiling around in my head. I have to pace myself.

First off, 

First off, 

ALL YOU PEOPLE BE CRAY.

I'm just sayin... also, stop with the fucking abbrevations for entire GODDAMN sentences. js. lol tf? <-- like srrsly? What is all that fucking garbage and why must I have to read fucking letters? Lazy twats. 

Ok, for real back to it,

all you people be cray.

I was brought into a massive party for a double birthday between myself and one of my 5 best chick friends. I was not aware of the magnitude of people this party pulled in. I think head count got to 250. We ran out of wristbands. And yea, that was me totally bragging. (if you don't want this to become a novel, you'll wait to hear about why this so fantastic to me, I abhorred my bday for a LONG time, mmkay?) But out of those 250 people, I managed to run into the only military mother fucker in the joint. And he was batshit crazy. My lawd, people, chemistry and dating is not a fucking science. It is either there or it isn't. And my state of mind was definitely (woot) in question upon our meeting of each other.. and holy balls, when that shit wears off it is GONE. And I mean the pretense of sanity. I'm not gonna go into details, but text bomb of MADNESS. 

Secondly, 

I don't even want to touch on where this country is right now what with gun rights and just all this other SHIT. It's overwhelming, I don't even know where to begin. I almost am tempted to crawl away to some crazy hippee commune and just say fuggit. When shit gets real, I will swim to Africa, I don't care, I will fucking do it. Anywhere will be better than here if shit ends up hitting the fan like FUCKING history REPEATING ITSELF.

Now that I've said that. 

Peace the fuck out, I just pissed myself off a LOT.

It's not you, it's me.

What the PHUCK is Going On Here FOR REAL?!

I like that catch phrase so much I decided to use it again. For the very... next post... Never you mind!

I'm gonna get to the point very quickly so that I can start my random rants.

I

am

SO

PISSED. 

Because of this. 

What is that... oil? Yea, it's oil. Made from THIS!!

It's not always purple, but purple is my favorite color so I indulged myself aesthetically.

And guess what it does. Cures fucking cancer. I'm not sure if I'm ahead or behind the gang on this one, but I had noooooo idea about this until about three weeks ago. Now, you can imagine when my best friend tells me her grandmother has cancer, that my reaction to her "I'm going to help her fight this with cannabis oil" was  a bit... disbelieving of the idea. I was like "oh, that's the grief talking". But then the fucking internet happened and the problem with the internet is that you can learn a lot of shit if you take time to look. And goddamnit, it's not even that difficult to find. 

But if you're lazy, here are some links...

http://www.riseearth.com/2012/05/how-hemp-oil-cures-cancer-and-why-no.html

http://www.naturalnews.com/033757_cannabis_oil_cancer_cure.html

And holy shit, here's a man in Canada who cure's people himself... 

And it's phucked up because this was all brought up to the government (that's right, no capital, WHUT UP?) back in Nixon's day. Not that I feel his presidential choices were exactly morally sound. I'm so fucking pissed right now. First it was the fucking paper companies who didn't want hemp used for an alternative source of paper, now it's pharm companies withholding a FAR less painful and inexpensive cure for cancer. Fucking greedy sonsabitch's on this planet! MY SOUL REGRETS COMING TO THIS PLANET!!! 

I'm so pissed... I can't even think clearly enough to be useful right now, SO PISSED! 

Oh, did you think I was going to write a research paper backing myself up? Who the hell do you think I am? I just mention shit and then you take initiative and go do it.

I want to start throwing grocery stores and malls at the government in a global temper tantrum that endows me with Hulk like powers. The first thing I'd do if I could Hulk out... kill all of my exes so I no longer had to look at them or even worry about looking at them. I have 3 exes that come to mind right now that I would schenck the fuck out of given the opportunity and no hard time was a factor. Mmm kill you so good, exes. Kill you sooooo good.

Speaking of exes, I FUCKING hate them. Especially when they are bat shit crazy like a twat. And you know how crazy twats can be. Alright, well I'm leaving. Educate yourselves. It's disgusting but invigorating to know. And I always told my mom that marijuana had more uses than just getting you high. I just didn't know that it was put here TO CURE FUCKING CANCER AND OTHER DEBILITATING DISEASES!!

On a waaaay lighter note, I've been considering trying my hand at some stand up comedy. In the process of writing some jokes right now. I think I'm HILARIOUS. I just don't think other people will find me as hilarious.

What the Phuck is Going on Here?

So I've been doing some thinking lately... And I've reached some disturbing conclusions...

You see this beloved classic? I'm gonna fuck with it a little bit.

Seriously, I've been having what I call a mid-mid-life crisis and have been watching the shit outta some movies, both old and new. I've stopped and asked myself multiple times "what the phuck is going on here?" 

*ASIDE* I spell it PHuck with the PH as an emphasis on the fact that I am putting large amounts of frustration into the word and am therefore pronouncing it way more vulgar than is necessary. Ironically, phuck spelled like that on paper is LESS vulgar. 

So I ask myself that question as I watch these movies, but when I asked myself that question for this movie... I almost cried. First off, do I really need to mention that there is a child here that gets kidnapped by questionable fucking goblins from the get go.. to take to a very old man who is, let's admit it, really fucking creepy with him. And that's omitting the fact that this particular old man wears make-up and jock hugging tights with HEELS... 

Alright, so that's only slightly fucking weird, right? Then we have Sarah, poor little doe-eyed Sarah... whom I'm positive was high as shit when all of this occurred. 

Looking back on this movie, was that bridge scene entirely too fucking long or is it just me? 

When I stopped to asked myself "what the phuck is going on here?" it was at the end of the movie when David Bowie serenaded us again. If you stop and listen to what the shit is coming out of his mouth, it's all really goddamn baffling and I think whoever picked that song should have been reprimanded. In fact...

How you turned my world, you precious thing
You starve and near exhaust me
Everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one 

You've run so long
You've run so far 

Your eyes can be so cruel
Just as I can be so cruel
Though I do believe in you 

Yes I do 

Live without the sunlight
Love without your heartbeat
I, I can't live within you

I can't live within you 

(sigh) 

I, I can't live within you

These lyrics don't even make sense when applying it to the situation the movie portrays. When did dude fall in love with her enough to starve and exhaust himself? He implies that he  moves the stars for no one yet has done everything for her - by fucking with her and trying to kill her multiple times. He even tried to enslave her in a dream. And when the shit was he staring deeply into her eyes to see their cruelty? When he had her drugged on a peach? That's only time I saw any play between the two. 

Drugs.

What they don't tell you is that David Bowie's character was actually based off a child molester. 

Or even worse. He's based off a controlling ex-boyfriend archetype. Which is disgusting. Because controlling boyfriends are THAT fucking crazy. First they look all charming and shit and everyone looooooves them. But then... they disembowel your social life and make it all about them. 

Who are you talking to?

IS SUSAN TEXTING YOU AGAIN?!

Who's Sara? You were making plans on going over there? When did you plan on telling me this?

What did you talk about? Anything about me? What did your friends say about me?

gawd. some men are in-fucking-sufferable and I am just as baffled as you are that I tolerated the above questions. Which were in fact real questions asked of me at one time. But they weren't just asked once, they were asked multiple fucking times. Sometimes in the same goddamn sentence. 

"what the phuck is going on here?!" 

I think I'm gonna make that my 'thing'. 

Do Me a Favor....

Seriously, I implore everyone to take a stand against this very serious problem... *deep breath*


Internet daters....


For the love of GOD - stop exploiting your fucking angles. I hate all of you, deceivers... I don't even know why I'm even half way surprised right now...

Now, there was one adventure about a year ago involving the now notorious velcro sandals guy that has probably set the precedent for why this issue enrages me so deeply..

I can't change that I have realistic fucking expectations from these FUCKERS. 

If that sounds angry and jaded to you... it very MUCH IS.

I have this really sad heart condition where my heart is going to fail if I'm still single by the time I'm 30. Don't fucking laugh, some women have been able to find a cure, but I said "phuck that" when I found out the cure was a permanently lonely existence with nothing but 50+ cats for company.

Anyways, ugly people, I have but one message for you: STOP EXPLOITING YOUR MOTHER FUCKING ANGLES! Attractive people: stop falling for it.

I know all of this may seem... shallow to the average asshole reading this, but I assure you there is nothing shallow about the desire of wanting to like looking at someone's face. If I wanna claw my eyes out whilst staring dreamily into your eye's... problems I foresee....

But what pisses me off about ugly people knowing they're ugly... is how they try to bait you with their falsity!!! It's almost as aggravating as pretty people knowing they're pretty but then telling everyone how they think they're ugly just to phish around for compliments... No, that's actually pretty goddamn annoying. Pretty people... you are aware of your looks, so shut the fuck up, look in the mirror and tell yourself how fucking pretty you think you are and move on with your day. People don't need to spend every fucking seconds of their lives validating your self esteem. Now that I've bitched out the pretty people too, ugly people can take a back fucking seat and think about what I'm about to spew their direction.

There is someone for everyone, with that in mind, wouldn't you much rather be honest with someone if you want to even attempt dating them? I'm mean, honesty isn't exactly a commonly practiced policy amongst men folk, sometimes women, but mostly you men folk, but holy shit if the beginning starts out with lying about how attractive you really are... then that relationship is doomed for fucking travesty.

Some of you don't even know what 'exploiting angles' really means. Chicks usually find their 'angle' when trying to hide a zit or played "Who Can Take the Best Bathroom Pic for Myspace This Week" in High School. I'm not sure how guys find theirs... but they do! and they exploit them, which is all that matters.

You've met this person... you've worked with them or went to school with them or even walked by them at a park. They are that person that you wanted to give the benefit of the doubt to, because let's face it, no one should judge thy neighbor and blah blah blah. But I mean, this person is FUNNY looking - but not in the immediate outward way, but in the way that you just can't quite figure out why they are so fucking funny looking. Then you stumble across their CrapBook picture and shit a fucking brick. That person is GORGEOUS, they have glitter exploding next to their radiant faces, birds are laying a carefully crafted headband of flowers onto their stupid head, and you're not sure.. but you're PRETTY sure that Jesus himself moved those rain clouds to shine some holy fucking light on this prick for the sake of one photo. So you murderously stalk the ever loving shit out of them on CrapBook...

UNTIL...

You start to notice that this fucker has a bunch of photos all suspiciously taken from the same angle... So you arrange a chance encounter with this ass hat only to discover that they really are just as goddamn funny looking as you remember seeing them, and go back to digesting them with your eyes whilst still trying to maintain friendly conversation.

This kind of fucking trickery should not be allowed to dirty the world of dating. Dating is already riddled with bullshit, the exaggeration of looks on top of how disappointing you are personality wise can fuck a person up. Like me. I fucking hate dating and half the reason is because people are fucking liars and know they suck deep down so they glamour themselves up... until you're standing on their porch and they are wearing socks with velcro sandals or have the absence of a chin... I KNEW those pictures with the hand over the chin shit was a goddamn farce...

And so... I abandon internet dating altogether. I can't take it anymore I tells ya. Not only am I tired of bullshit from people in general, but damn, if people can't even be honest about their fucking looks, then I really have no hope for dating on the internets. Looks can really only be exaggerated for soooo long before the calamity is discovered. Eventually looks do go away and you're left with the individual at their core. I have a firm belief and have always had this belief that you still need to be attracted to the person in some capacity.

So there it is... I fucking quit. Also, I need a job.

Don't Worry, Be Happy Wednesday!

I'm a huge SKYtard. So I threw together some images that I think are AWESOME. I don't have room for rants in my head today, so instead I give you SKYtardedness. <--so made up, it's scary.

Drugs.

Yay!! Save teh kittehs!!

Every single thing about this picture is hilarious.

I wanna be where ever this is.

That's all! Happy Wednesday!

Mass Effect 3 Extended Endings Victo--... Fuck.

Besides hating the ever loving shit out of Microsoft for being a corporate monster, I've never actually actively protested their products.

And I have a lot of hate for that company.

But never enough to deprive myself of the their console. Sony can lick my butt hole if they ever think I will purchase a PS anything. Fuck that noise.

I should probably think about PC gaming. But then that also hampers my whole trying not to feed the MS monster thing.

However, something has warranted my hate on a whole new level.

GAH!!!! BLURRY FUCKING WORDS!!!

The apocalyptic partnership of Bioware and EA that ruined magic for everyone, everywhere.

Today is the DAY that Bioware released their extended cut of the end of Mass Effect 3, their famous and AMAZING trilogy that innovated a lot of things for RPG's to come. Hopefully others who come along do the fucking end of their games justice because Bioware sure as shit has not.

I shall be saying GOOD fucking DAY to Bioware and EA.

Now,

I'm 100% willing to admit that the Synthesis Extended Ending OWNED the original and I always thought the Synthesis ending was the best anyways, but it was spectacular this time. And thank you for fucking explaining why Joker bitched out, s'nice. Should have happened the first time? Maybe? Editors raise your hands? *BANG!*

I'm wondering something, after seeing these extended cuts compared to the first round of endings.

Why the SHIT did the first endings even make it out of the cutting room? I mean, you have to be fucking kidding me. You pushed back the original release date and still couldn't make the Extended endings present the first goddamn time?

I may not have made a video game in my life nor have I worked in the industry, but I'm a writer, and that shit was incomplete. I felt like the first round of endings came from the minds of young adult writers.

You know what I'm talking about.

The writers who can't make the cut and write big people books so they write for 'young adults', which really just means their writing is TERRIBLE, and they have to write for a crowd that isn't old enough to know it yet.

Again, speaking from personal fucking perspective over here. Garth Nix gets an awesome nod from me though, he doesn't deserve to be in the young adult genre. And J.K Rowling, but we can all agree her shit got super dark there at the end. In fact, a lot of the fantasy authors for young adult are legit, except for this one lady who I can't name simply because I forgot it. And it isn't worth Google'ing. Just know that her books lacked substance.

Kind of like Stephanie Meyers with her Twilight. It was a good idea until Hollywood came through and cast Kristen Stewart as Bella. Worst idea ever.

So versatile. 

I still hate the endings, goddamnit.

The Refusal ending was possibly the worst though, and only because you can tell Bioware is throwing a bitch fit over fans hating their sub par writing and actually protesting about it publicly.

These new extended endings do feel like previous Bioware games, though, so fans REALLY can't complain about that. If you ever played Jade Empire, you'd realize that they have actually been pulling these dick moves for a while now.

The Extended endings are worlds better than the original endings, this I can concede to. But I don't have to like it. I'm  glad they gave us MORE. But I wish they had given us BETTER.

They half assed everything again, with the still frames and shit. EDI's voice over was pretty sweet, but then again I think EDI is the best damn thing ever and Bioware should seriously consider making a game with EDI as the lead.

Best damn thing EVER.

I kind of want them to make another ME game... so I can STEAL it. Until I feel like my money is worth something to those fuckers. 

No, I'm not entitled. I just feel that if you make one of the most emotional games of all time for gamers, you best be ending that shit on a scale that can only compare to Titanic. So many fans built personal attachments to characters in the ME universe and they didn't really get to look in on the lives of those characters after Shepard is gone, which in my opinion was the gold for a lot of fans. There were also interesting relationships amongst squad members that could have at least been nodded to with some bittersweet sentiment. 

Like if Tali and Garrus are alive and neither are romantic options for you then they get together. Or how we should see Eve and Wrex leading the krogan and having lots of krogan babies. All choice dependent of course. Oh wait. Choices... don't.. matter. 

Again, go back to Jade Empire. The loophole I have here is that Jade Empire was never as widely choice based as ME is, it also wasn't a trilogy that choices from previous games added or removed content from. 

I feel like Bioware set a standard that they could not even live up to. Makes me sad faced. :'(

They still kept the same fucking color palette bullshit. Though, I guess the typical good choice, bad voice, neutral choice motif is what most games follow these days. But isn't that something Bioware has been known to punch in the face? The 'typical'? Whatever. 

Bioware has inspired me to become a Pirate. The booty hoarding kind with patches, yeah. 

I kind of hate that I like the new endings. But then I remind myself that I like the new endings MORE THAN the old endings, so that makes it ok. Though, I REALLLLLY wish they had hired some fresh meat to completely re-write and play with the fucking ending. 

And do you know why hiring a few fresh writers, who were possibly fans, would have been extremely successful?

BECAUSE.

If Twilight can be rehashed into something good...

Do you understand where the 50 Shades of Grey series comes from??? DO YOU?!?!?!?! It comes from fucking Twilight of all goddamn things! It started out as erotic fan fiction! (To which Stephanie Meyers openly admits is not her thing. How does a Mormon write stories about vampires and leave out the sex? Vampires are all about the sex.) And let's all just admit it right the fuck now. Someone was bound to fix that shit the second it became disgustingly successful. 

Fans, I implore all of you, if you have any kind of talent like writing or video game graphic design, you should get out there and see what you can do about fixing the ME situation. Let's all mob down to Bioware headquarters and violently take over their offices like entitled dictators. Half stache under the nose optional, though it would add to the violent dictator image, so it might be a good idea. 

Ugh, stupid. Still never did get to see Tali's face. Lazy fucking twats. There was PLENTY of fan art to steal if you wanted to be lazy, which is a LOT better than using stock fucking images. They just didn't want to pay anyone. Seriously, some of the fan art out there for Tali makes me fucking SAD that her face was never incorporated into the game. 

Travesty.

And this is coming from a not-at-first Tali fan. All of those are about 1000x better than the other bullshit they gave fans. I REFUSE to showcase that image here. It's easy to procure, but no. REFUSE. 

Anyways,

PROPS to Bioware for taking the time to complete the endings a little for fans, that at least is admirable. And not destroying the relays, because that was the most embarrassing flaw in story telling EVER.  

But no thank you for the Refusal ending, which was the biggest "Fuck off you fuckers" I've ever seen from a gaming company to their fans. And noooooo thank you for the questions still unanswered about the lives of our squad mates after Shepard is gone. 

STILL, the same fucking ending with different colors, even if it is elaborated upon. AAAANNNNDDDD the still frame shit, WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE STILL FRAME-ONE-THING-MOVING-IN-THE-BACKGROUND SHIT?! WHAT, ARE WE TOO LAZY TO SPLASH TOGETHER SOME CGI SCENES? DO IT RIGHT THE FIRST FUCKING TIME AND IT MIGHT NOT NEED TO BE RE-FUCKING-DONE!

If you have to do it over again or ELABORATE on it because you didn't do it right the first time, don't be a EA's little bitch about it and give fans still frame fucking endings. 

BLUE: evil wrapped up in an unsuspecting package. Have you HEARD the voiceover for that shit? EVIL. Congratulations, Shepard is now Reaper Overlord. 

GREEN: "space magic" as people keep dubbing it. Personally I'm in love with the Synthesis ending.  Mainly because BODY AUGMENTATIONS are being researched for development and synthesizing our bodies with technology will probably be seen in our generation. SO, as HILARIOUS as it is, this ending would actually be quite believable. Maybe not absorbing the DNA of one person and getting melding into something different, that's space magic FO shizzle, but that's the fucking point of science fiction: NOT FUCKING POSSIBLE.

RED: Indoctrination theory. That's what the red choice is, hands down, fucking indoctrination. At this point I'm not going to argue that theory anymore, it's got undeniable evidence backing it up. I can't say anything bad about this ending, after all the whole purpose of the trilogy is to destroy the Reapers. That's what you've set out to do since day one all those years ago when we first landed on Eden Prime and lost Saren to indoctrination. I never chose this ending because I couldn't bring myself to destroy the Geth or EDI. The fact that I lost Legion burns me enough. The Indoctrination Theory sucks. Mostly because that's very tragic, this whole fuckin' time, you're a goddamn puppet. If that t'were the case, breaking out of it at the end would have been nice. Choices and such. But then, I guess all your choices were already predetermined by the Reapers? So everything was for naught? There's a fine line between innovating something so uniquely that people LOVE it. OR they fucking HATE it. 

Blame the japanese, they spoil us with their 45 minute end game sequences. Even if it isn't a fucking trilogy, they end their games with style AND closure. 

**sniff** So YEEEAAAAH, Bioware doesn't deserve my money anymore I decided. 

Fuck You, Online Failucation, Eat a Dick

So legit, they borrowed the little i for emphasis on awesome.

Have you heard the marketing scheme they use? Those radio commercials that boil your ear drums out with the lazy speak of the pot head behind the mic promoting lazy-cation.... I HATE those commercials...  With a fiery goddamn passion. 

He sounds ethnic, which I find universally insulting to everyone. So, you is implying... that people who are ethnic will find iSucceed SUPER USEFUL... like more useful than white people. The girl on the commercial has some kind of learning disability. You don't talk that slow unless you is disabled. 

I love retards, so don't even think I'm making fun of them, I am however pointing out the flaw in promoting online fucking high school like it's all cool and shit. 

"Why isn't it all cool and shit?"

Because, you can log on whenever you want, go at your own pace, and guess what the best part is? It's free!!! Why? Because it's a public school!!

..... <--- waiting for the world to end ellipses.

Have you not stepped inside a high school since 1973? 

This isn't a posh finishing school or a well mannered 60's era goody two shoes. 

You have your burners, who reside in all facets of the social spectrum, I know they would not promptly log onto SCHOOL. Pfft. I'll do it tomorrow. 

You have your jocks, which I don't believe online schools have sports teams, so there they go, no longer in the running for online schoolship. (I'm making up my own words, because I went to online school and just Google'd everything.) No, I went to real school. 

You have your preppy chicks who are orange. I wouldn't count on them to be accountable.

You have your normal people, I was in that group, but I still wouldn't have logged onto school in a timely manner nor accomplished my assignments if I wasn't personably accountable by getting the stink eye from my teachers when my shit wasn't done on time. What happens when you miss shit at iSucceed? Poor grade, but whatever, it's free! And faceless. Only the beady eyes of my peers prompted me to be on time for class. God, so awkward when you're the late kid scuttling in after smoking a bee zee with some buddies and you are FAR too silly for that nonsense.... and you close the door SUPER awkward because you're young and dumb and EVERYONE knows or so you think... but they don't know and you're just being stupid.  But then your HOT math teacher gives you the fucking I-KNOW-WHAT-YOU'VE-DONE-FOR-REAL face... and scares the shit out of you FO LYFE about coming to school high. Rants from my face.. 

iSucceed does not offer such discreetness, in fact I'd consider that a HUGE benefit for all pot heads everywhere.

You have your goths. They hate everyone no matter what you do, and they dropped out in regular school, so please, send them to online school. I'm sure all of their schooling dreams will come true with an open schedule to fit their busy lives.

MY POINT IS!

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED TO HAVE ONLINE SCHOOL FOR HIGH SCHOOLERS FOR? WHAT, ARE THEY HAVING TOO MANY FUCKING BABIES AND NEED TO FREE UP SOME TIME?! DO THEY HAVE FULL TIME JOBS THAT REQUIRE THEIR ATTENTION? WHAT COULD 14-17 YR OLDS POSSIBLY BE DOING WITH THEIR DAYS THAT THEY CAN'T ACCOMPLISH AFTER A REGULAR SCHOOL DAY????

Honestly? I want to move my son to a foreign country and have him get an education there. Education? PFFFF, fuck, not in this country. 

Why does this piss you off so bad? You're not still in high school.

Life Lesson #2: ONLINE EDUCATION FOR ALL!!! LET'S BREATH BRAAAINS INTO THE NEXT GENERATION WITH ONLINE EDUCATIONS!!!! LET GOOGLE EDUCATE THE WORLD!!!! 

I feel like people are turning their backs on all the problems of the world, and crossing their fingers, hoping it will go away on it's own.

News flash, education is one of those thing's we need LIVE people working in. 

Google should just start handing out fucking diplomas. 

Who does iSucceed benefit?

Answer: Everyone. That's the problem.

Teachers; they don't want to deal with that one jackass they have every year who doesn't give a fuck about anything that teacher is saying to them, they are probably usually disruptive too. And they smell sometimes, don't forget the vat of piss smell.

Genius'; for the .5% out there who are retarded smart, they would LOOOVE this shit, SWEET! no longer sitting in class learning shit that bores them. But there are accelerated classes in high school for that, also, graduating early, so I feel no large benefit there, but it was argued to me so I had to share.

Lazy people; and everyone, deep down, is fucking lazy.

I hate online schooling.

I want to stab it in it's virtual, cheeky face.

Why can't technology just crumble already? And I don't give a shit if I can't deliver my ragings to you virally. I have a soap box in the garage next to my megaphone, so don't you worry. 

It's just sad how far we have fallen as a species. Sure, things are advancing at an astronomical rate as far as technology goes, but does that really mean we have to leave our human brains behind? 

Where are all of these iSucceed graduates going to go after they get done with their half assudcation?

I'll tell you where.

Carrington College. *barf*

Brown Mackie. *spew*

Stevens Henegar. *uuuuussseeeeelllleeesssss*

All those BULLSHIT schools because that's all that will probably accept them. If I was the Dean of Admissions of a respectable school and I saw iSucceed listed as where a potential applicant graduated from. I'd laugh my ass off, look at it again, wipe my ass with it... and burn it. No, that creates unwanted airborne fecal matter. I'll just flush it down the toilet like a respectable human being. 

And where do they go after they graduate from those filthy thieves?

Unemployment.

Waitressing jobs.

Burger joints.

And thus we have created a cycle of useless.

Useless fucking college that rushes you through hardcore careers and expects employers to want to hire you.

IT'S ALL SO USELESS! THEY SAY THEY ARE ACCREDITED BUT CAN'T COUNT ON THAT SHIT TO WORK FOR TWO FUCKING NICKELS!

You'd think I was slighted by pretend accredited colleges, but alas, I have not fallen into that fail boat. I just have watched other people spend over $35,000 to go to "college" and graduate only to work 3 jobs in order to pay bills. Which is hilarious, but sad. 

"Oh, you spent 80 whole hours in the lab running blood tests? And you pricked up to 7 students? Shiiiit, come on in! Our patients are very high profile and HIPPA is up our ass with something about needle hygiene lately, but you gots some fancy edumacation from a fancy school with swanky T.V ads!" 

I'm sick of watching America decline into bullshit.

It's gets me so pissed. 

So pissed I rant incessantly. 

MY POINT! (I had to step away for lunch and gather my thoughts)

Kids in high school ARE NOT mature enough to be accountable for themselves. And if they have good parents, those parents should want them in traditional school. So, we've got irresponsible little shits running around dropping out of the real world and signing up with this bullshit only to drop out of it too, thus dropping out of succeeding at life at all.

Because if you can't go to high school, sit through class all fucking day (doing nothing but fucking around with your friends, getting free money from your parents) and get at least a high school diploma... then you won't go far in life. 

It's a fact. Not even speaking from statistics. Personal fucking observation.

I don't have one person in my life who dropped out of high school and succeeded at being a stand up individual. In fact, the sorry excuses I DO know who dropped out of high school have more than one kid, are single or battered, and are the funniest status updates on CrapBook EVER.

Speaking of CrapBook,

I WASH MY HANDS OF GOD-GIRL. 

I've decided I've had enough. It was cute and all at first, I mean this girl REALLY believes in the big OG upstairs, but now it's fucking redundant. 

Today she reached out to everyone and pleaded with them to strengthen their relationship with God. It made her SO SAD to see everyone ignoring him and his LOVE. If only everyone BELIEVED, everything would be ok and get BETTER!! 

And I'm sparing you the real speech, it was eye bleedingly awful. I think I physically gagged. I know my face got fucked up in the what's-this-bitch-talkin-bout? frame for a good 10 seconds. I can't even take myself seriously when talking about GOD-GIRL. I can't believe ANYTHING that comes out of her mouth because I think it's a bunch of bullshit and I'd like it if she'd fuck off and not shove God down everyone's throats. 

Seriously, you Jesus Freaks need to stop with the knocking on doors and stalking people routine. I HATE my mom's "visiting teachers" (eye roooollllll, I really don't like these women). And they know I despise them, I can see it in their eyes when I stare into their souls. 

BTW, JF's, I capitalized everything with due respects, so don't think I laugh at you AND mock spelling and capitalization. The English language should be greeted with respect, after all it's a dying breed, love it while it's here. 

So0n eeryting wil1 B al1 jenky and U w0nt kn0w werre the punctuashuuns n capit0ls n grammerz whent. 

Oh, you have no idea how much it hurts my soul to type like that. I made it poop brown colored for emphasis on it being a pile of shit. And in large letters just to be more obnoxious.

Ending now, B4 I get more pissed and spill more rages. 

ONE MORE THING.

Because, with the little i in front, you automatically win. It's proven.