Thursday, January 27, 2011

Microsoft, will piss on your soul.

Let's examine, for a moment, my wild headline for this post. A corporation pissing on souls? Bah, they would never...

Anyways I fucking dislike Microsoft, so enough with the bullshit I'm not even gonna pretense this one. Now, I will throw a disclaimer out there; that I'm speaking solely from personal experience, therefore this will be very angst-y as I'm still pissed about it to this day.

As a person with a brain, I have certain expectations from society.. granted those expectations sometimes find no footing, but damn it that's why I created a blog in the first place, to bitch. One of my favorite past times is playing video games. At least it used to be until I had to put my Xbox in timeout. Now- I do believe the Xbox has two flaws, one publicly acknowledged by Microsoft while the other has gone noticed by the consumer yet is not fucking good enough to be acknowledged by Microsoft themselves. Yea, if I was them I certainly wouldn't want to eat another fucking product flaw. Especially since they raced out the door of the next Gen console race just to be the first to get the 360 on the market. No fucking wonder the PS3 specs out superior. They actually took the time to perfect their shit before disposing it on the general public.

Now I know what your thinking-- what the fuck is this second flaw? T'would be your Xbox vibrating so wretchedly that it scratches your expensive fucking games. And technically it has a third one-- ya know where you put in a game that your all fucking hyped up to play and the bitch just spins and doesn't fucking read it? Then you have to eject it about 20 goddamn times before it FINALLY registers that there is a disc playing. And then, and this has happened to me on numerous occasions; the disc is spinning and I can hear the victory dance in my brain (I out smarted technology and got the bitch to work)... and then your Xbox is offended by your smugness and punches you in the face with this annoying 'error message'... PLEASE INSERT THIS DISC INTO AN XBOX 360 CONSOLE. %^&#$@^%&%#%%^..... Had Mary Jane and I not been friends, I would have been seriously concerned for the well being of my Xbox.

Side Note:
Yea, I feel that Mass Effect 1 and 2 need to be remembered for the brave little discs that they were. They fought bravely but in the end they just couldn't fight the corporate flaw. Your damn right I went back and got a used version just to get that damn end game achievement AND for the intense story line that will lead to in the 3rd... ANYWAYS side note ended...

Based on the above insight into my frustration, I will now relive the horror that was my phone call to Microsoft to get 'help' on this issue.

First off, I'm not dumb and I consider myself a particularly intelligent individual. I work technical support myself, so aside from my other unreal expectations of society, I have even higher expectations from Customer Service on the phone since I have the inside dirt. Anyways, it was never once established during the phone call that I was out of warranty, which I'm pretty sure I was, but it was not made clear.

Secondly, their idea of 'troubleshooting' was asking me if I moved my Xbox while the disc was in motion or if I have a sound system with a sub woofer. Ok-- do not make me out to be the dumbass that fucking moves their Xbox while there is a disc spinning. I don't appreciate the assumption that I'm retarded AND I don't appreciate you trying to assign blame to the consumer. Secondly, yes I have a sound system, but that shit isn't connected to the Xbox therefore is not in use when I'm in the zone. So all your 'troubleshooting' or rather your lame ass excuse of the word was completely null. The hard drive clicks and scratches my shit assholes, and no, no I do not really think that dust particles can smear a half smiley face scratch on the back of disc that be altogether that noticeable or that damaging. Dust can be damaging over time don't get me wrong, but blaming dust is also not valid fucking troubleshooting.

I went rounds with these people for 3 hours and came to one maddening conclusion. They do not give a flying fuck. I was told my Xbox was not to be sent to the factory because this issue was just not valid enough to spend their precious time or money on. Now, had I been told in a more professional manner that I was simply out of warranty and that I would need to pay for a repair, I would have been willing.  Then there was a reason to validate their dickhead stance, and there was also a solution for me as the consumer.

And that is the epic dislike story behind me and Microsoft. I won't say I hate them because frankly it isn't worth my time to 'hate' much of anything. But I would definitely carve an Apple logo into Bill Gates' grave.