Tuesday, April 23, 2013


That there gents, is the face of Private Wilhelm of The Charge at Feather River. But I'm getting ahead of myself. First to explain why that agonized face up yonder is now legendary. 

As a kid I always felt like I was almost too perceptive. I was raised around adults, typically prone to all of their conversations for lack of other children to play with. So I never wondered why I was this way. Until I chanced upon a scream that tortured my innocent child brain for the entirety of my childhood. 

During any given action scene in a movie, there is always a LOT going on. I started to notice that when a particular stuntman died, he would let out a distinct yelp. It wasn't until Star Wars: Return of the Jedi happened that I finally started reasoning with myself "OK, now it was alright before but I KNOW these stuntmen are not screaming the exact same way..." I was around 7 when I decided that for myself.

Either by coincidence or my soul was so tortured by the identity of the scream, I became obsessed with knowing everything there was to know about "secrets" in the entertainment industry. The Nintendo 64 helped fuel this obsession with their Mario Easter eggs hidden in both Zelda games for that platform. 
Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Zelda: Majora's Mask

If you're wondering what an Easter egg is - it's something hidden by developers in the software that has no special significance on game play. They are solely in the game for the gamer to find, usually for people that are what gamers like to call "hardcore". However, games aren't exactly what they used to be and Easter eggs are increasingly easier to find. Even getting to the point of being laid out in the open for a simple gag.  

In the early days of Atari, they didn't like crediting game designers due to a fear of having to bargain with well-known designers. A spurned employee named Warren Robinette decided to leave behind "Created by Warren Robinette" in the video game Adventure. 

A lesser known Easter egg is the one embedded within every Mac operating system. When Apple first launched their project it was named "A New Hope", a new hope in that it would be successful against Microsoft. Because of this, you can watch Star Wars: A New Hope in the terminal window of a Mac. Don't get too excited though, it's in text format.

Still awesome in it's own respect.

Speaking of Apple... Pixar is the biggest offender for Easter eggs. The Pizza Planet truck from Toy Story? Makes an appearance in every Pixar movie. EVER.



Cars 2

Monsters Inc.



EVERY. Pixar. MOVIE. ever. You can go see the rest for yourself.

Now back to the sCREAM. How did I finally learn the identity of what I deem the greatest Easter egg of all!? (Though the scream offically isn't labeled an Easter egg. BY RIGHTS IT SHOULD BE!)

Flash forward about another 17 years when I was on a date and the movie we went to just so happened to have the infamous scream in it. As soon as my date heard it, he nonchalantly chuckles and states "Ah, the Wilhelm Scream." 

"IT HAS A NAME?!" I shout, mindless to the fact that we are in a crowded theater

Oh yes, it has a name, a name it has.....


It's always nice to learn that after 23 years of living that you aren't half insane; and also to no longer be haunted by the death wail of a stuntman.

The scream was originally recorded back in 1951 for a film called Distant Drums. However it wasn't until 2 years later when it was used in The Charge at Feather River that it would later go on to gain notoriety. The sound clip for the scream was later drudged up from the Hollywood vaults by a man named Ben Burtt. Burtt ended up naming the scream after the character Private Wilhelm in The Charge at Feather River even though that was not the first film to use the scream. Burtt ended up incorporating the scream into all major projects he was involved in at the time. This just so happens to have been anything with the name Lucas or Spielberg in it. This explains why every single Star Wars and Indiana Jones to date all feature the scream.

Burtt initially tried locating the original voice actor who recorded the scream. His research has led him to believe that Sheb Wooley, the man behind the titular The Purple People Eater song was the original screamer. 

Sheb Wooley. Epic Screamer.

And now.... to damage your mind. Once you hear it, you can't unhear it... YOU WILL HEAR IT FOEVA!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

A Le Video!!

I haz a le video! For the first time ever, for a special video performance that only happens once every so often... I bring you: me.

And I happen to be pmsing.... so excuse natures beauty mark on my face. It haunts me at night so thank you.

As for the reasoning behind this venture... NO FUCKING REASON OK? I need no reason to be amazing! Although I was not in angry mode when this was recorded. Now that I have all these fancy cartoon faces and dandelion seeds that stick to your face, I foresee a SHIT ton more "vlogs" coming soon.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

People Are Fucking Stupid

I know, I just shocked half of you to death with this AMAZING fact. Forgive the absence of awesome sauce photos and enlarged print, I'm on my phone because I really just can't hold this bitch fest inside... I might die if I try. Also, if you see an instead of and, I'm not really that ghetto, my phone just thinks its cute to forget the "d" if I'm typing ferociously, which is likely to happen.

Now - once upon time I wrote a very angry post about California Boy... I elaborated on him enough to convey that he broke my fuckin' heart. What I did not elaborate on is that I believe with every fiver of my being that he is my soul mate and I am his. I've true for YEARS to run from it, to try to move on with other people. I almost succeeded, but dude not only dropped me on my ass but came back into my life a year later and wanted me to quit smoking pot for him. First off, only one person could ever make that demand of me and even then he would meet contention. Secondly, I ended up quitting of my own free goddamn will. Which is HILARIOUS. Quit smoking pot for you, nig, ain't no one never said that ever and succeeded in that endeavour unless they followed that request up with a pimp slap.

ANYWAYS! This is not about him, this is about California Boy and the fucking Nicholas Sparks drama we've been dragging each other through for the last fucking millennia.

For the last yea and a half, we've been living a hellacious cycle of talking, fighting, no talking for one to two months. Then someone breaks down and makes "the call" and the cycle begins again. Now what's really fucking annoying about alllllll of this; he pretty much told me he wanted to get back together after he got back from deployment. That wassss 2 years ago and guess what - I am not fucking important. At all. He is with someone he can't fucking stand and has all but said "I don't wanna settle". When asked why he would rather be with people he doesn't like over, say, myself; his response is always "so I don't regret anything, so I know I tried everything". You wanna know why that's his fucking response? Because he regrets not trying with us. What is that sound? Mmmmmmmm that sounds suspiciously like the definition of fucking INSANITY - trying with other fuckin people because you regret not trying with the "one". What sounds like the fucking fix?! DOES IT TAKE A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST TO TELL YOU THE ANSWER?!

As to why we broke up in the first place.... I cheated on him. Yes I'm a horrible fucking dick bag and I deserve everything I'm getting. No- there are exceptions to every rule.

Setting: Nazi Germany
Age: 19
Scenario: I was sexually assaulted by my platoon sgt. To add insult to injury, it was not a closed investigation, so everyone and their goddamn mother knew what had happened and who the "victim" was. What did this result in? A total and complete blacklisting from civilisation. No one wanted to be the "liars" friend and all that nonsense. At the time, Cali Boy couldn't get over his own hurt, so he did what everyone else did, abandoned me when I needed people the most. The only person that offered me solace was a wolf in sheeps clothing and I took what little comfort he offered. That comfort ruined my fuckin life. Now in the years since that incident, neither myself nr Cali Boy have been able to annex ourselves from each other. BECAUSE WE STILL FUCKING LOVE EACH OTHER.

And now.... Now he may be facing another deployment...

It's taken me YEARS to forgive myself for hurting him and in turn also hurting myself. For a very long time I punished myself for Germany. It was crippling. I've been able to forgive myself and recently, so has he.

Just FYI, whether he still has a GF or not, I plan on proposing to him if he gets deployed. And that's how that shit is gonna go down.

Friday, February 8, 2013


I want you to take a moment... and just appreciate the shit out of what that says. Because it's so effin true, it borders disgusting. 

Also, here's this. I'm pretty sure that's two dragons fucking. Not 100% positive as the description does not specify, buuut... two dragons fucking is definitely what I saw. HOLY SHIT, I just spelled definitely by myself!! NO spell check AT ALL. If you understood what that meant... you'd rejoice with me. 

Moving on, to explain those random ass pictures above. I was in a mood and decided to type in "STUPID THINGS" into Google, and like the awesomeness that is the internet, those lovlies popped up and I HAD to share.

You might be wondering to yourself, 'where has this ass hat been?' 

Well, you see, I started College. And damned if it isn't fuckin' challenging. I've also recently quit smoking and thus have gained WEIGHT and must shed it!!!! I have an old friend to answer to in May, and I'm getting less and less inclined to let them win. I SHALL WIN IT ALL!!! MUHUHAHAHA..


Angry rants... are roiling around in my head. I have to pace myself.

First off, 

First off, 


I'm just sayin... also, stop with the fucking abbrevations for entire GODDAMN sentences. js. lol tf? <-- like srrsly? What is all that fucking garbage and why must I have to read fucking letters? Lazy twats. 

Ok, for real back to it,

all you people be cray.

I was brought into a massive party for a double birthday between myself and one of my 5 best chick friends. I was not aware of the magnitude of people this party pulled in. I think head count got to 250. We ran out of wristbands. And yea, that was me totally bragging. (if you don't want this to become a novel, you'll wait to hear about why this so fantastic to me, I abhorred my bday for a LONG time, mmkay?) But out of those 250 people, I managed to run into the only military mother fucker in the joint. And he was batshit crazy. My lawd, people, chemistry and dating is not a fucking science. It is either there or it isn't. And my state of mind was definitely (woot) in question upon our meeting of each other.. and holy balls, when that shit wears off it is GONE. And I mean the pretense of sanity. I'm not gonna go into details, but text bomb of MADNESS. 


I don't even want to touch on where this country is right now what with gun rights and just all this other SHIT. It's overwhelming, I don't even know where to begin. I almost am tempted to crawl away to some crazy hippee commune and just say fuggit. When shit gets real, I will swim to Africa, I don't care, I will fucking do it. Anywhere will be better than here if shit ends up hitting the fan like FUCKING history REPEATING ITSELF.

Now that I've said that. 

Peace the fuck out, I just pissed myself off a LOT.

It's not you, it's me.