Monday, March 14, 2011

Microsoft, Continuing Excellence...

So my arch nemesis returned and have given me even more reasons to loathe their terrible existence. I was at work, taking calls as usual, when I got an incoming call from a fucking Microsoft representative. This is the gist of our conversation.

Him: "Hi, I'm Shitdangleadick from Microsoft I have a customer on the line who can't seem to get his device drivers on the computer updated to get his shit* recognized."

Me: "It's a Microsoft computer?"

Him: "Yes."

Me: "So how is this my companies problem? This is your issue."

Him: "Let me just conference the customer in."

*he named the official product, but again we must remain mysterious in my place of business.

AND THEN HE CONFERENCED THE CUSTOMER IN AND DISAPPEARED LIKE A CHEAP LITTLE FUCK. So I pretty much talked to the customer for 30 minutes trash talking Microsoft. Poor guy had been through 3 HOURS of trying to get these people to diagnose the problem with his computer but they kept giving him bullshit answers. I don't think they even fucking know how to troubleshoot shit. Does Microsoft hire former sheep herders? Because seriously, their idea of troubleshooting is piss poor. The gentleman was at least very pleasant to talk to, he understood that my company could do nothing to fix the issue and that the problem really was with Microsoft. He also understood that I was able to trash talk Microsoft as a personal customer and not as rivalry. Microsoft hasn't completely lost me, after all I have an Android phone, which BTW is the only thing Microsoft has ever done right.

Questions about my epic hate for Microsoft? My post back in January has all the answers.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Fucktard Bicyclists

Whenever you see a biker riding in the street when there is no bike lane, hit them. Fucking people riding bikes that do not ride on the sidewalk when there is no bike lane infuriate me. And the shits usually do it on busy city streets where people are going 40 miles an hour. Depending on what jackass is behind the wheel, sometimes more. I call these people wannabe roadkill. When there is a bike lane and you get your own little bicyclist space, then I'm fine with you playing in traffic. You have a designated lane that a car has no buisness being in. Now, when there is no bike lane, YOU have no business not riding on the sidewalk. Again, this feels like it relates back to common fucking sense. You really wanna get splattered by a car? You think that because you're a biker that cars will obey your fucking rules? Yes, let me move aside for your insignificant ass while pushing the cars in the other lane towards the middle lane where a possible squatter may be. Bam! Accident. And if I don't move out of your road hogging ass way and I kill you, I'm going to jail for man slaughter. They should really thank me for axing off some stupid asshole that doesn't have a sense of self preservation whatsoever. Why should I care if they don't care that their carelessness could land some poor sap in the slammer for such an unnecessary thing?

Another thing I can't stand about some bicyclists are the ones who ride IN TRAFFIC with the cars. You know that shithead you see on a bike waiting in the turn lane at a stop light. If you want to do that shit why the fuck not get in a car? Drivers don't appreciate it when you're trying to be something your not, asswipe bicyclist. You're not even a motorized fucking vehicle... add a wimpy motor to that shit and I might feel less inclined to want to run you down. On roads where there are no sidewalks or bike lanes, those are usually the less busy roads so I can forgive you for that one. But I don't like it. Not now, not never.

O and BTW, I don't give a fuck if any of it is lawful. Just another thing the government has done to irritate the little guy. They do it on purpose, I swear.