Monday, June 13, 2011

Get Away From Me, Mouth Breather

At this point, I've come to terms with the fact that I am a special case in some areas, such as tolerance with others. Unless I'm at work, your complete inadequacy in the brain department will not go unnoticed. Even at work it doesn't go unnoticed, but for the sake of job security, I can't really speak my mind... The day that I quit though... I might be telling some people to go fuck themselves. Not customers, they are just stupid because society is declining and doesn't demand people to educate themselves anymore.. I once quit a job by telling my boss to fuck off. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I got re-hired a year later. Cause I'm the shit.. And I run a drive-thru like a champ. 

Welcome to the BK Lounge... No, anyways the topic for my insaneness today is...


I was waiting in line at Blimpie to get my sub on.. when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that I had a shadow... standing RIGHT there, you know what I mean, RIGHT GODDAMN THERE. And it wasn't like the line was trickling out the door into the devil outdoors. There was ONE whole other person behind him, who was giving him the courtesy of his space. I hate people in my bubble.. Do not enter unless permission has been granted... or I will choke a bitch out. In fact, I have chocked a bitch out for doing that crap. If he had gotten a boner, it would have been up my ass, that's how close this dude was. Just to illicit a vivid picture and all. There is no reason to stand that close to someone. 

I even sidled sideways like a gazelle to try and escape the close proximity of this individual... And YET he inched closer.... Like a creeper. I didn't even smell delicious today, which if I had had my normal cloud of nose orgasm on, I might have understood. But I didn't, I smelled like a human today. He wanted some nomz and he wanted them right then and there damnit. Food deprivation is perhaps the only excuse, but even then, I have a hard time refraining from the urge to throat punch you and watch in satisfaction as you grovel at my feet wondering WTF, mate? Remember when Brian owed Stewie 50 bucks and Stewie proceeded to beat the shit out of him at random intervals? That's me... doing that to you... in my brain when you stand too goddamn close. 

I don't even feel bad for the violence implicated above. Don't stand so close.. And you will not be brutalized in ungodly ways inside my head cavity. These people I throw into the category of 'oblivious' since I love giving people their own select group of stupid. But no, I even looked him in his eyes just to be acknowledge... He was not there, he was in the world of fairies and wizards or something because the human race existing around him was not evident anywhere on his blank face. I'm oblivious too sometimes, but to things like drugs and drama. Human discomfort is something I am painfully aware of and if someone is uncomfortable, I sense that shit like a drug dog. It's really a wretched thing because then I get bothered by others... far too often. And then I get insane in the membrane and this happens in my head:

I wonder if I muttered to myself about lighting shit on fire when people get too close if they'd think I was unhinged and would back away. Or mutter about the aliens coming to take me away, because that is a legitimate belief that I have referenced on many an occasion. Or talk about eating cat food with a serious look on my face. Either way, I need 'you're-standing-too-goddamn-close' repellant.

1 comment:


    i hate it when you glance back with that "get the fuck away from me you personal bubble raper" glare and they just vacantly stare at you. BASTARDS!