Wednesday, November 21, 2012

What the Phuck is Going on Here?

So I've been doing some thinking lately... And I've reached some disturbing conclusions...

You see this beloved classic? I'm gonna fuck with it a little bit.

Seriously, I've been having what I call a mid-mid-life crisis and have been watching the shit outta some movies, both old and new. I've stopped and asked myself multiple times "what the phuck is going on here?" 

*ASIDE* I spell it PHuck with the PH as an emphasis on the fact that I am putting large amounts of frustration into the word and am therefore pronouncing it way more vulgar than is necessary. Ironically, phuck spelled like that on paper is LESS vulgar. 

So I ask myself that question as I watch these movies, but when I asked myself that question for this movie... I almost cried. First off, do I really need to mention that there is a child here that gets kidnapped by questionable fucking goblins from the get go.. to take to a very old man who is, let's admit it, really fucking creepy with him. And that's omitting the fact that this particular old man wears make-up and jock hugging tights with HEELS... 

Alright, so that's only slightly fucking weird, right? Then we have Sarah, poor little doe-eyed Sarah... whom I'm positive was high as shit when all of this occurred. 

Looking back on this movie, was that bridge scene entirely too fucking long or is it just me? 

When I stopped to asked myself "what the phuck is going on here?" it was at the end of the movie when David Bowie serenaded us again. If you stop and listen to what the shit is coming out of his mouth, it's all really goddamn baffling and I think whoever picked that song should have been reprimanded. In fact...

How you turned my world, you precious thing
You starve and near exhaust me
Everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one 

You've run so long
You've run so far 

Your eyes can be so cruel
Just as I can be so cruel
Though I do believe in you 

Yes I do 

Live without the sunlight
Love without your heartbeat
I, I can't live within you

I can't live within you 


I, I can't live within you

These lyrics don't even make sense when applying it to the situation the movie portrays. When did dude fall in love with her enough to starve and exhaust himself? He implies that he  moves the stars for no one yet has done everything for her - by fucking with her and trying to kill her multiple times. He even tried to enslave her in a dream. And when the shit was he staring deeply into her eyes to see their cruelty? When he had her drugged on a peach? That's only time I saw any play between the two. 


What they don't tell you is that David Bowie's character was actually based off a child molester. 

Or even worse. He's based off a controlling ex-boyfriend archetype. Which is disgusting. Because controlling boyfriends are THAT fucking crazy. First they look all charming and shit and everyone looooooves them. But then... they disembowel your social life and make it all about them. 

Who are you talking to?


Who's Sara? You were making plans on going over there? When did you plan on telling me this?

What did you talk about? Anything about me? What did your friends say about me?

gawd. some men are in-fucking-sufferable and I am just as baffled as you are that I tolerated the above questions. Which were in fact real questions asked of me at one time. But they weren't just asked once, they were asked multiple fucking times. Sometimes in the same goddamn sentence. 

"what the phuck is going on here?!" 

I think I'm gonna make that my 'thing'. 

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