People Are Fucking Stupid

I know, I just shocked half of you to death with this AMAZING fact. Forgive the absence of awesome sauce photos and enlarged print, I'm on my phone because I really just can't hold this bitch fest inside... I might die if I try. Also, if you see an instead of and, I'm not really that ghetto, my phone just thinks its cute to forget the "d" if I'm typing ferociously, which is likely to happen.

Now - once upon time I wrote a very angry post about California Boy... I elaborated on him enough to convey that he broke my fuckin' heart. What I did not elaborate on is that I believe with every fiver of my being that he is my soul mate and I am his. I've true for YEARS to run from it, to try to move on with other people. I almost succeeded, but dude not only dropped me on my ass but came back into my life a year later and wanted me to quit smoking pot for him. First off, only one person could ever make that demand of me and even then he would meet contention. Secondly, I ended up quitting of my own free goddamn will. Which is HILARIOUS. Quit smoking pot for you, nig, ain't no one never said that ever and succeeded in that endeavour unless they followed that request up with a pimp slap.

ANYWAYS! This is not about him, this is about California Boy and the fucking Nicholas Sparks drama we've been dragging each other through for the last fucking millennia.

For the last yea and a half, we've been living a hellacious cycle of talking, fighting, no talking for one to two months. Then someone breaks down and makes "the call" and the cycle begins again. Now what's really fucking annoying about alllllll of this; he pretty much told me he wanted to get back together after he got back from deployment. That wassss 2 years ago and guess what - I am not fucking important. At all. He is with someone he can't fucking stand and has all but said "I don't wanna settle". When asked why he would rather be with people he doesn't like over, say, myself; his response is always "so I don't regret anything, so I know I tried everything". You wanna know why that's his fucking response? Because he regrets not trying with us. What is that sound? Mmmmmmmm that sounds suspiciously like the definition of fucking INSANITY - trying with other fuckin people because you regret not trying with the "one". What sounds like the fucking fix?! DOES IT TAKE A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST TO TELL YOU THE ANSWER?!

As to why we broke up in the first place.... I cheated on him. Yes I'm a horrible fucking dick bag and I deserve everything I'm getting. No- there are exceptions to every rule.

Setting: Nazi Germany
Age: 19
Scenario: I was sexually assaulted by my platoon sgt. To add insult to injury, it was not a closed investigation, so everyone and their goddamn mother knew what had happened and who the "victim" was. What did this result in? A total and complete blacklisting from civilisation. No one wanted to be the "liars" friend and all that nonsense. At the time, Cali Boy couldn't get over his own hurt, so he did what everyone else did, abandoned me when I needed people the most. The only person that offered me solace was a wolf in sheeps clothing and I took what little comfort he offered. That comfort ruined my fuckin life. Now in the years since that incident, neither myself nr Cali Boy have been able to annex ourselves from each other. BECAUSE WE STILL FUCKING LOVE EACH OTHER.

And now.... Now he may be facing another deployment...

It's taken me YEARS to forgive myself for hurting him and in turn also hurting myself. For a very long time I punished myself for Germany. It was crippling. I've been able to forgive myself and recently, so has he.

Just FYI, whether he still has a GF or not, I plan on proposing to him if he gets deployed. And that's how that shit is gonna go down.