Thursday, June 21, 2012

Fuck You, Online Failucation, Eat a Dick

So legit, they borrowed the little i for emphasis on awesome.



Have you heard the marketing scheme they use? Those radio commercials that boil your ear drums out with the lazy speak of the pot head behind the mic promoting lazy-cation.... I HATE those commercials...  With a fiery goddamn passion. 

He sounds ethnic, which I find universally insulting to everyone. So, you is implying... that people who are ethnic will find iSucceed SUPER USEFUL... like more useful than white people. The girl on the commercial has some kind of learning disability. You don't talk that slow unless you is disabled. 

I love retards, so don't even think I'm making fun of them, I am however pointing out the flaw in promoting online fucking high school like it's all cool and shit. 

"Why isn't it all cool and shit?"

Because, you can log on whenever you want, go at your own pace, and guess what the best part is? It's free!!! Why? Because it's a public school!!

..... <--- waiting for the world to end ellipses.

Have you not stepped inside a high school since 1973? 

This isn't a posh finishing school or a well mannered 60's era goody two shoes. 

You have your burners, who reside in all facets of the social spectrum, I know they would not promptly log onto SCHOOL. Pfft. I'll do it tomorrow. 

You have your jocks, which I don't believe online schools have sports teams, so there they go, no longer in the running for online schoolship. (I'm making up my own words, because I went to online school and just Google'd everything.) No, I went to real school. 

You have your preppy chicks who are orange. I wouldn't count on them to be accountable.

You have your normal people, I was in that group, but I still wouldn't have logged onto school in a timely manner nor accomplished my assignments if I wasn't personably accountable by getting the stink eye from my teachers when my shit wasn't done on time. What happens when you miss shit at iSucceed? Poor grade, but whatever, it's free! And faceless. Only the beady eyes of my peers prompted me to be on time for class. God, so awkward when you're the late kid scuttling in after smoking a bee zee with some buddies and you are FAR too silly for that nonsense.... and you close the door SUPER awkward because you're young and dumb and EVERYONE knows or so you think... but they don't know and you're just being stupid.  But then your HOT math teacher gives you the fucking I-KNOW-WHAT-YOU'VE-DONE-FOR-REAL face... and scares the shit out of you FO LYFE about coming to school high. Rants from my face.. 

iSucceed does not offer such discreetness, in fact I'd consider that a HUGE benefit for all pot heads everywhere.

You have your goths. They hate everyone no matter what you do, and they dropped out in regular school, so please, send them to online school. I'm sure all of their schooling dreams will come true with an open schedule to fit their busy lives.

MY POINT IS!

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED TO HAVE ONLINE SCHOOL FOR HIGH SCHOOLERS FOR? WHAT, ARE THEY HAVING TOO MANY FUCKING BABIES AND NEED TO FREE UP SOME TIME?! DO THEY HAVE FULL TIME JOBS THAT REQUIRE THEIR ATTENTION? WHAT COULD 14-17 YR OLDS POSSIBLY BE DOING WITH THEIR DAYS THAT THEY CAN'T ACCOMPLISH AFTER A REGULAR SCHOOL DAY????

Honestly? I want to move my son to a foreign country and have him get an education there. Education? PFFFF, fuck, not in this country. 

Why does this piss you off so bad? You're not still in high school.

Life Lesson #2: ONLINE EDUCATION FOR ALL!!! LET'S BREATH BRAAAINS INTO THE NEXT GENERATION WITH ONLINE EDUCATIONS!!!! LET GOOGLE EDUCATE THE WORLD!!!! 

I feel like people are turning their backs on all the problems of the world, and crossing their fingers, hoping it will go away on it's own.

News flash, education is one of those thing's we need LIVE people working in. 

Google should just start handing out fucking diplomas. 

Who does iSucceed benefit?
Answer: Everyone. That's the problem.

Teachers; they don't want to deal with that one jackass they have every year who doesn't give a fuck about anything that teacher is saying to them, they are probably usually disruptive too. And they smell sometimes, don't forget the vat of piss smell.

Genius'; for the .5% out there who are retarded smart, they would LOOOVE this shit, SWEET! no longer sitting in class learning shit that bores them. But there are accelerated classes in high school for that, also, graduating early, so I feel no large benefit there, but it was argued to me so I had to share.

Lazy people; and everyone, deep down, is fucking lazy.

I hate online schooling.

I want to stab it in it's virtual, cheeky face.

Why can't technology just crumble already? And I don't give a shit if I can't deliver my ragings to you virally. I have a soap box in the garage next to my megaphone, so don't you worry. 

It's just sad how far we have fallen as a species. Sure, things are advancing at an astronomical rate as far as technology goes, but does that really mean we have to leave our human brains behind? 

Where are all of these iSucceed graduates going to go after they get done with their half assudcation?

I'll tell you where.

Carrington College. *barf*

Brown Mackie. *spew*

Stevens Henegar. *uuuuussseeeeelllleeesssss*

All those BULLSHIT schools because that's all that will probably accept them. If I was the Dean of Admissions of a respectable school and I saw iSucceed listed as where a potential applicant graduated from. I'd laugh my ass off, look at it again, wipe my ass with it... and burn it. No, that creates unwanted airborne fecal matter. I'll just flush it down the toilet like a respectable human being. 

And where do they go after they graduate from those filthy thieves?

Unemployment.

Waitressing jobs.

Burger joints.

And thus we have created a cycle of useless.

Useless fucking college that rushes you through hardcore careers and expects employers to want to hire you.

IT'S ALL SO USELESS! THEY SAY THEY ARE ACCREDITED BUT CAN'T COUNT ON THAT SHIT TO WORK FOR TWO FUCKING NICKELS!

You'd think I was slighted by pretend accredited colleges, but alas, I have not fallen into that fail boat. I just have watched other people spend over $35,000 to go to "college" and graduate only to work 3 jobs in order to pay bills. Which is hilarious, but sad. 


"Oh, you spent 80 whole hours in the lab running blood tests? And you pricked up to 7 students? Shiiiit, come on in! Our patients are very high profile and HIPPA is up our ass with something about needle hygiene lately, but you gots some fancy edumacation from a fancy school with swanky T.V ads!" 

I'm sick of watching America decline into bullshit.

It's gets me so pissed. 

So pissed I rant incessantly. 

MY POINT! (I had to step away for lunch and gather my thoughts)

Kids in high school ARE NOT mature enough to be accountable for themselves. And if they have good parents, those parents should want them in traditional school. So, we've got irresponsible little shits running around dropping out of the real world and signing up with this bullshit only to drop out of it too, thus dropping out of succeeding at life at all.

Because if you can't go to high school, sit through class all fucking day (doing nothing but fucking around with your friends, getting free money from your parents) and get at least a high school diploma... then you won't go far in life. 

It's a fact. Not even speaking from statistics. Personal fucking observation.

I don't have one person in my life who dropped out of high school and succeeded at being a stand up individual. In fact, the sorry excuses I DO know who dropped out of high school have more than one kid, are single or battered, and are the funniest status updates on CrapBook EVER.

Speaking of CrapBook,

I WASH MY HANDS OF GOD-GIRL. 

I've decided I've had enough. It was cute and all at first, I mean this girl REALLY believes in the big OG upstairs, but now it's fucking redundant. 

Today she reached out to everyone and pleaded with them to strengthen their relationship with God. It made her SO SAD to see everyone ignoring him and his LOVE. If only everyone BELIEVED, everything would be ok and get BETTER!! 

And I'm sparing you the real speech, it was eye bleedingly awful. I think I physically gagged. I know my face got fucked up in the what's-this-bitch-talkin-bout? frame for a good 10 seconds. I can't even take myself seriously when talking about GOD-GIRL. I can't believe ANYTHING that comes out of her mouth because I think it's a bunch of bullshit and I'd like it if she'd fuck off and not shove God down everyone's throats. 

Seriously, you Jesus Freaks need to stop with the knocking on doors and stalking people routine. I HATE my mom's "visiting teachers" (eye roooollllll, I really don't like these women). And they know I despise them, I can see it in their eyes when I stare into their souls. 

BTW, JF's, I capitalized everything with due respects, so don't think I laugh at you AND mock spelling and capitalization. The English language should be greeted with respect, after all it's a dying breed, love it while it's here. 

So0n eeryting wil1 B al1 jenky and U w0nt kn0w werre the punctuashuuns n capit0ls n grammerz whent. 

Oh, you have no idea how much it hurts my soul to type like that. I made it poop brown colored for emphasis on it being a pile of shit. And in large letters just to be more obnoxious.

Ending now, B4 I get more pissed and spill more rages. 

ONE MORE THING.


Because, with the little i in front, you automatically win. It's proven.













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